I've been approved to be officially not Korean.

Today my mom received a letter from the Korean Consulate in Los Angeles.

It was written in Hangul, so of course she couldn't read it.

It seemed important so I had her fax it to the school where I worked.

It had my Korean name on it and my birthdate at the top.

I tried to read it, but since my Korean is abysmal, I didn't have a clue as to what it said.

I asked my Co-Teacher and she told me that it said that my application for renunciation of my Korean citizenship was approved. (I wasn't even sure if I had applied, but I think I did on 9/3/09 at the Seoul Immigration Office.)

I was SO sad. I started crying right away. I went to the bathroom to try to just get it out of my system, but I couldn't make it stop. I finally decided that I would just tell my co-teacher that I wasn't feeling good and leave.

I packed up my stuff and then just told her I didn't feel good and was leaving. I don't know if I ever want to go back. The practical side of me tells me that I have to, because it's my job and I have a one year contract, etc. But I feel like never going back. I hate that school anyway. I make all these amazing lessons and the kids are so loud. But I digress.

So, I can't figure out why I am so sad. I am an American. The other day, as I passed by the American Consulate, a tear fell from my eye. I know all the words to the Star Spangled Banner, and can even sing them! I love baseball and apple pie, okay not really... but I am still American.

When I was adopted, my parents gave up my Korean citizenship so I could receive American citizenship. That was over 30 years ago. So why am I so upset about this now?

I am sure it has something to do with the fact that while I was receiving my purple registration card from the Immigration office, I found out that I was still in the system. For so long, I thought I was just forgotten, and then all of a sudden there I was. I was a real Korean. I couldn't believe it. So for all those people who say that I am not Korean, in your face!

But then I got sent to that OTHER office. You know, the one where they say you aren't Korean anymore. Like now it's official. You are officially NOT Korean. I even had to pay money (not very much) for them to tell me that I am officially not Korean.

And I guess today, I have been approved. I've been approved to be officially not Korean.

So if I am American, and if I have a perfectly nice life back home waiting for me, then why am I crying? Why does this topic bring me to tears EVERY time? And not just a tear trickling out of my eyes. Crazy, uncontrollable, sobbing, make you throw up twice, tears.

This was exactly the thing I came here to find out. I want to get rid of this feeling; I am so sick of it.

I AM going to do something about it, I just don't know what.